Love is a Losing Game: My Thoughts on Amy the Movie

I was ecstatic when I found out I won tickets to the advanced screening of Amy the Movie; this was the perfect addition to my kid-free week…

After leaving work I made my way to Regal Cinema in Chinatown and had plans to do a little shopping for my upcoming trip and grab a bite to eat before the movie as I had not eaten anything all day.

Thankfully something kept telling me to check the procedure for passes at the theatre before I did anything else because even at 5p a line had already began to form for a 7p showing of the film…The pic above is me grabbing one of the few available chairs as I waited out the 2 hours.

After the fire drill (foregoing safety, not ONE person in the line for Amy the Movie left when we heard the fire alarms go off), we were moved further inside the theatre because now the line had tripled or more in size.  It was now around 6p

At 6:30p we finally were allowed in the theatre and I made a bee line for the concession stand – $25 later I was all set to learn more about Ms. Winehouse.  Well the showing, as it turns out, was for 7:30p and not 7p as we were initially told.  Growing restless and annoyed my excitement for the film was beginning to wane.

That all ceased as soon as the lights dimmed.  No wasting time with previews, the film began immediately.  Images of a very young Amy filled the screen and her voice, even in its most raw, immature form showed her undeniable talent.

I didn’t expect to feel a kinship with Amy.

I didn’t expect to see myself in her.

I didn’t expect to shed tears and be gripped with such an unshakable sadness that has stuck with me through today.

If you plan on seeing the film, stop here until you actually go because I do not want to give anything away

The underlying theme in the film for me was love.  The good, the bad, the ugly and the absence of it.  The music was such a secondary part of her life.  Yes she was talented but had she never been given the notoriety, I think she would’ve been fine with that…she may even still be here.

Ultimately, she wanted love and it began at home, or it didn’t in this case.

It pains me to write this post even now because I know how it is to struggle in relationships when you have daddy issues. You love too hard, too fast and for too long and when people recognize that flaw in you they tend to play on that. You feel victimized and then you overcompensate.

Add to that a battle with feeling happy or fighting off depression for lack of a better term and you want to cling to anything, everything that makes you feel good just to fend off that desolate emptiness that creeps up every so often.

You lose yourself to please others and sometimes they don’t get it and urge you to just get out the house, just think happy thoughts, just smile.  Its a mask.  Eventually masks have to come off.  Juggling lies or half-truths no matter how minimal is a fool’s errand.

Imagine all of this and being in the public eye.  You remember at some of her low points how the media turned her into a punchline?  She had nowhere to go, nowhere to escape to.  She had become a cash cow, and her team, including her family had to return a profit.  Her escape was self-medication.

No stone was left un-turned in this film.  I understand now why her family didn’t want it released, because nothing was sugar-coated to protect anyone, including them.  It was brutally honest, the wounds it opened for me are still fresh.

It will bring some closure to her fans and possibly bring new ones to her legacy.

I think most importantly it removed the caricature of her and showed a young woman who adored music but paid the price of fame.

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