In the absence of fear and failure…

I had no idea what I wanted my first post to encompass but I knew I had a lot to forgive myself for.  It wasn’t until a discussion during a staff meeting (of all places) did I realize I haven’t been breathing for a while and that is when my heart began to pour into my fingers.

Have you ever experienced that?  Being so immersed in a thought or a feeling that you don’t realize how tight your jaw is or that you have been holding your breath until something snaps you out of it and you feel the dull ache or you notice your labored attempts to inhale or exhale…

While I have been enjoying my social experiences and creating memories with the kids, as seen via my social media accounts, there have been other areas in which I cut off my own circulation to give life to some things that didn’t deserve existence.

There were some memories that were just as amazing as the ones you saw but I couldn’t share them due to limitations, ones that I am fully aware of, ones that I placed unfairly on myself in an attempt to appease others.

There were some memories that you DID see that painted a picture of perfection to the naked eye but upon closer examination were a colorful attempt at deceit.

Each moment molded who I see Shana becoming.  Each tear shed in private watered a seed meant to grow within me.  Each smile shielded those tears of growth so that they could thrive and manifest into new armor; the armor that I now wear as I face new challenges…as I attempt those things that I would do if it were not for the presence of fear and failure.

I do not feel prepared to be resolute just yet so you won’t get a 2017 accountability list from me and that is ok.  Life is not an unwavering thing…it ebbs and flows and twists and turns and I have to be malleable along with it.

Post Question:  What would you do in the absence of fear and failure?

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