#WCW…

Women…Cant…Win…

Now that I have some semblance of normalcy returned to my life (more on that in another post) I am able to put feeling to “paper” again.

There have been a myriad of topics that have moved me over the past couple of months but none hit as close to home as the increased number of those speaking up and out against sexual misconduct they have suffered as well as the very recent commentary surrounding women who grapple with the choice of pursuing a career while deciding what is best for their children…

Beginning with the latter – I have seen Jennifer Hudson dragged through the proverbial mud over the past day or so regarding the temporary custody arrangement between she and her former fiance and I always find it so disheartening the way women are graded so much harder than men on just about everything with little to no reward on the back end.

Since becoming a mother I have had times when I have fallen short for sure.  The caveat to that being that the fathers (yes plural) of my children have been there to support me.  Now to my knowledge neither of them have publicly humiliated me, we have had heated discussions for sure, but it took that to come to a place of co-parenting grace.

When I had to make the determination that my son needed his dad on a more full-time basis to grow up as a man; when I pursued a dream job that had me working crazy hours and traveling internationally for long stretches of time away from my kids; when my health was challenged and I could not care for my kids or see them on a regular basis, the MEN who I created my children with adjusted for the betterment of the kids and knowingly or not supported me each time.  I have done the same for them in different situations with no problem.  That’s the way co-parenting goes.  It’s give and take.  Also we do all of this void of court involvement, I think that is important to note.

I have a feeling that the arrangement that J Hud and David had about her work schedule and the care of their son were all good until there was an upset in their relationship.  She STAYS working, everyone can see that but the comments questioning her abilities as a mom, saying she gave up her son for her career, etc.,  I just wonder why we have to be SO harsh sometimes…

Another area where the female species is challenged is regarding sexual abuse and the like.  Day after day we become aware of yet another public figure being accused and day after day we see the questions surrounding why it took so long for the accuser to speak up; the commentary formulated to place blame on the accuser based on everything from how she was dressed, what time of day it was, whether or not she had alcohol, etc., as if any of those things should matter.  Wrong is wrong all day long.

When I was inappropriately touched as a young girl I was alone in a bedroom with an older family member playing a game, I may have been around 6 or 7 years old – was I wrong for being alone with him?  When my babysitters son, who was 10+ years my senior told me I was his girlfriend and made me do things to him when the babysitter left him in charge while she ran an errand and I was too scared to speak up until literally just now as I type this, am I wrong for saying something now?  These are just two incidents and I am not in the public eye.

So if you feel you are being inundated with these stories of those who are public figures, just imagine how many more victims there are who do not have a platform…

I have spoken about other times in which I was violated but I mention these two here just to illustrate the ridiculous concepts of blame and time to a victim.  It’s NEVER the right time just so you know.  It NEVER gets easy.  Its NEVER our fault.

We have heard it time and time again, it is so easy to tap away at the letters on a phone or computer and judge others from afar but until you have walked in someone else’s shoes you can’t really know their struggle.

Post Question: No question this time, instead I offer the opportunity to engage further on this either in the comments below or by messaging me privately.  Be well friends.

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