Learning how to process trending topics that trigger you personally is a skill that can serve you in many ways, not just on social media. Yesterday my knowledge proved just how helpful it could be.
Clifford Joseph Harris, Jr., better known as T.I. is not an outlier. His beliefs about and actions towards women are not a foreign concept. We all know men who “jokingly” make these same comments and decisions. In a recent episode of his podcast, ‘Expeditiously‘, he plainly stated to his wife that he owned half of her “box” and had every right to go inside and “take” what belonged to him. Yesterday, the word “hymen” began to trend on twitter after revealing that he regularly takes his daughter to have hers checked to ensure that she is still a virgin. Shortly thereafter I began to feel, as they say, “a way…”
When I was about 16, same age that T.I. said he began policing his daughter’s puberty, I experienced something similar from my own father…I believe my mother had told him that I was into boys or whatever the case may be. He made his way to my room and made some comments about it; suffice it to say they weren’t very warm.
Years before this incident, I shared with my father that the son of his then girlfriend had behaved inappropriately towards me. He asked me to tell him exactly what happened, which I did. I was told to stay away from the son…do with that what you may.
Yesterday, with all the commentary regarding T.I. and his parenting discrepancies between his sons and daughters, I found myself revisiting these two events specifically. I felt it affecting my mood. I needed to figure out why, but in a healthy way.
I share these memories not to garner pity or join the hunt against T.I.P. , no matter how much I disagree with his actions. I share because as you can see I was triggered and I was not expecting to be. Before therapy, my coping mechanisms were failing. With the holidays approaching, many find this time of year challenging and I wanted to share ways to process without internalizing.
- WRITE IT OUT – I know everyone is not a blogger or fancy themselves some prolific wordsmith, and it does not have to be that. Simply get a journal and write whatever comes to mind. Therapy taught me that when the writing gets to be too much, step away from it, and I will be honest with you guys, it does get tough at times. If someone has hurt you, instead of posting a subliminal or texting them a paragraph, write them a letter…and then get rid of it. Rip it up, throw it away, burn it (safely) or however you choose to dispose of it. Often times just letting the words (and even the tears) pour out of you can serve as solace
- READ/LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND – cancel culture is the new peer pressure. It is easy to get swept into the wave of whats trending and begin to question your own beliefs. As stated, I am upset about a lot of what T.I. was saying in his interview with the ‘Ladies Like Us‘ podcast (the episode has now been deleted and the hosts have issued an apology), but before I just fell in with the crowd, I made sure to listen to the entirety of what he was saying, including how the hosts led up and responded to his remarks. It may not change your opinion but at least do your due diligence before allowing the masses to sway you/trigger you for no good reason.
- LET IT OUT – scream, cry, fight the air, eat the ice cream, drink the wine whatever you need to do but get it out and don’t let it linger. You are not required to be strong all the time so don’t feel like you need to pretend to be.
These are just a few ways to breathe, stretch, shake and let it go but there are many more, including simply unplugging even briefly.
How do you process without internalizing? Tell me in the comments or feel free to email me – firstname.lastname@example.org