How will you be remembered?  Ever since Nichole passed that question has been on replay in my brain.  Scores of purple hearts flooded timelines as news of her transition began to spread and not one person had anything negative to say.  Not one.  Even those not directly touched by the warmth of her light spoke of the glow that spread from her reach.

You couldn’t help but envy her ability to conquer her wanderlust; every trip seemed attainable because she didn’t brandish her ability to do so, she encouraged you to do the same.  We shared a love of brunch and wine and often giggled over our misadventures via messages back and forth on Instagram.  It was an easy camaraderie void of pretension.

My ex-fiancé shared that she made him experience more, get out and enjoy life with zeal, connected with people who brought him joy and made him feel like he was living life to the fullest.  Some of the best moments in his adult life...his words, not mine.  Says a lot right?

Others called her a conduit, a magnetic force, the connecting fiber amongst many walks of life who had many wishing that her life be spared instead of their own or that some of the basic ass bitches left roaming the earth be taken instead of her (again, not my words).  Harsh but you can’t fault other’s feelings in times of grief.

And so I’m haunted by the question of my legacy.  Many speak on their kids being theirs and to each his or her own but I want my children to  live their own lives, have their own identities.  Lord knows I’ve made a mess of a LOT in my life, therefore of course I wouldn’t want them to suffer in those shadows.  So what will I leave behind?  What will be said when my time draws near?  I honestly don’t think it will be anywhere as impactful, and certainly not as nice as what I’ve read about Nichole and all I can do from this second forward is be better.  

Thank you Nichole for supporting my endeavors despite our connection being based on a relationship that had been expired.  Once it ended you could’ve chosen a side as so many others did and continue to do, but you didn’t.  We kept in contact and began to build our own rapport.  I just wish I had been able to see you in person one more time so I could embrace you and tell you that face to face.

I will be better because you showed many of us how to do so. 💜

And so dear reader I ask you, how do you want to be remembered?