From Triumphs to Tears: The Reality of Parenting and Co-Parenting

You know something that I don’t see many people talk about?  Parenting challenges.  Is everyone out here getting it right all the time because I am fighting for my life!

All jokes aside, parenting is the most rewarding as well as the most difficult role I have ever had.  I question my every thought, action and word at every instance.  I have cried equal amounts of joyous tears as I have tears of failure…that’s a lie, I am pretty sure the failures have surpassed the triumphs at this point. 

The thing is, I am probably being way too hard on myself, but I wouldn’t know because nobody shares the struggles.  I guess it wouldn’t be something you jump at sharing via social media but really who gatekeeps something like that?  If anything, maybe if we shared more, it would help in a sense?  But I’m a dreamer…

All I know is, I am so thankful for the times when vulnerabilities enter the chat.  Had they not, I would be feeling my way around in the dark even more than I am currently. 

I receive kudos often about being a successful co-parent, which I accept, but in the words of Patti LaBelle – ohhhh if…only you knew…

Truth be told it is successful because a lot of the time , I choose silence over violence (jokes).  Just this morning I was on my rapid-fire response kick, tears stinging at the corners of my eyes, while at work mind you, and I had to stop myself. 

I heard someone say once, take a beat before saying things.  Ask yourself these questions first: Is It true?  And if it is, is it necessary? 

And while I do believe my feelings and opinions are valid when it comes to the parenting of my young adults, sometimes it isn’t necessary to impart division in the team just to prove a point.  All I can do is hope that eventually we can have a meeting of the minds. 

Right now, I agree to disagree, I just keep it to myself.  Because let’s be honest – men don’t read all that shit anyway. ~shrug

An exceptional resource that was shared with me about challenges as a parent, is Kelly Corrigan Wonders…a podcast by Kelly Corrigan, titled: Parenting Challenges with Julie Lythcott-Haims.  It is available across various podcast platforms, and it is episode 103 from season 1. 

I had several lightbulb moments and took a lot of notes. Here are a few golden nuggets that stood out to me: 

1. stare in the face of your imperfections, needs and anxieties, etc., own them and move on. For them to witness that is the greatest set of teachings you can offer them

2. You have two choices: prepare the road for the child or prepare the child for the road. The former leads to anxiety, the latter leads to an adult

3. Nobody wants to be someone else’s project

I know that the traumas I suffered while growing up informed my parenting skills or lack thereof.  I vowed to do everything I could to shield my children from the horrors I faced and can admit that it backfired in some instances.  I try every day to be a better person and being a mother is no different.  To the other parents out there who may be feeling the pressure, you aren’t alone.  I will continue to be authentic in all that I share in the hopes that even if you don’t speak up and out, you know you have community in me. 

I will leave you with this:

“Without community, there is no liberation, only the most vulnerable and temporary armistice between an individual and her oppression.” – Audrey Lorde