Give Your Strong Friend a Break!

Do you check on your strong friend? Or do you check on them to see if they have time to be your strong friend? If you are the strong friend, do you have a strong friend? Who do you reach out to when dealing with something?

As the strong friend who was also diagnosed with PTSD and depression, my inclination is to deal with it on my own.

In my world, mild depression is equal to a chance of showers. In other words, it’s manageable. Instead of hunkering down in the house waiting for the storm to pass, I can push through because it’s not going to rain for long, if at all.

With major depression, however, some days the dark cloud looms, similar to a severe storm. When the forecast is calling for torrential downpours of depression, I don’t call on someone, like hey, do you want to join me in this storm that I really should take shelter from?

So, what’s the point in this discussion? I am the strong friend who needs a break! I often get people coming to me to vent or for advice. On a good day, I don’t mind but other days, when that personal forecast is gloomy, it can be too much. Sometimes I don’t have the bandwidth to operate in a position of support. To my own detriment, there are moments when I am unable to verbalize that. Sometimes I can’t say that I understand you are going through something, but I don’t have the capacity to be there for you because I am dealing with my own stuff.

On the flip side, I don’t go to someone else to dump my shit on them. If it is heavy for me, of course it will be heavy for someone else.

As of late, there have been a few instances where people dear to my heart and know what I have been challenged with proceeded to pour out to me and it was a LOT.

It got me to thinking about the times when I share with someone when they ask how I am doing…

A friend of mine asked me about a particular family member recently and I paused before answering. I had to decide if I wanted to be authentic, or gloss over the truth. How could I be true but succinct so as not to overburden them? The next thing my friend said gave me my answer: “I know that we are all carrying a lot, and I just want to make sure that my loved ones are ok.” I really appreciated that because I tend to keep things to myself. I don’t want to overwhelm anyone else because I am overwhelmed. A lot of us are.

I get it.

In that moment you just have to say it to somebody, whether it’s depression or just a bad day. You have to be cognizant, however, that it may be too heavy for someone to handle. I responded to my friend that I do know when it gets too heavy for me to carry on my own, I know I can depend on them.

The same way they say check on your strong friends, also give your strong friends a break. They may not be able to be a shoulder, or ear, or have ability to help you carry the load.

If you are the strong person that people depend on, you have to be able to set boundaries as well.

The season changed, the first quarter of the year is ending, Mercury is about to go retrograde, an eclipse happened; all kinds of things are coming up. Boundaries are very important right now. There is a lot going on in the world and you can be there for people but you also have to protect your peace.

I am exercising my muscle of vulnerability.  I am sharing things that affect me like depression & PTSD, and using my voice.  My voice is important, my voice deserves to be heard in all ways and always.  So every once in a while, I will share the quiet part out loud.  I hope you gain something from it and if you don’t, just use it for entertainment or don’t.  But I hope it helps.  I hope that I am sharing things that are helpful to others.  And I encourage you to also say the quiet part out loud.

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