The Anniversary

3 years ago today I had a hysterectomy. That’s it, that’s the tweet. The caption. The title. A blip on the radar of my life that I attempt to suppress as the seconds, minutes, months, and years tick by. Except it’s not that simple. I am engulfed in sadness with each anniversary of that day.

But why? I never had aspirations of the perfect nuclear family. My childhood didn’t paint that picture for me. Sure I wanted kids, but always pictured myself globetrotting with them in tow with no husband in sight. I really knocked that one out the park huh? But that’s another story for another day. The point is I saw one or two children and once I achieved that I knew I was done. So as the doctor asked me if I was sure I was ready to remove my ability to ever have kids again why was I overcome with sadness to the point I had to call my mom? At that very moment I felt so alone, so small, and at this huge crossroads...should I really do this?

I was on one of the biggest jobs of my makeup artist career. It went extremely well and I was invited to go celebrate. We sat at this upscale restaurant and reviewed the highlights of the day with delicious food and beverages but I had to get ready to head home. As I got up to use the restroom I realized that I had bled through a tampon, and a pad, and my clothes onto these beautiful white leather seats in front of crew members. They were super sweet about it and I made it home but I never got called from that production company again.

I never wanted to relive that moment. I was tired of having to go buy new clothes during a work day due to accidents. I could no longer buy 2-3 boxes of tampons and pads every two weeks for a cycle that never ended. I was over having to explain what my body was doing to different doctors who didn’t seem to take me seriously, even after showing them pictures of huge blood clots expelled from my body only to have them prescribe a variety of hormone cocktails to taper off the bleeding to no avail. I wanted control of my body again without fear and uncertainty.

So I signed away my ability to carry another child as I didn’t feel I had another choice. Every year I’m surprised by the anniversary and every single year I relive the sadness. Every year I am reminded that I also ended up in the hospital again after my surgery due to a pulmonary embolism. The blood clots on my lungs were the result of the hysterectomy and could’ve killed me. Every year I am relieved that I am not living in fear of my body but now I also pray that my daughter doesn’t have to endure that monthly trauma; that she has a normal cycle and doesn’t inherit that torment.

Fibroids, endometriosis, PCOS, and the like, are conditions that a number of us endure but feel apprehensive about discussing because I guess blood and vaginas aren’t exactly sexy topics. Just know you aren’t alone and that may not seem like much but in those moments of trying to tie something around your waist to hide an accident, debilitating pain while at work or any other time that you feel alone, all you want is someone to get it. Trust me, I get it.

Mirror, Mirror is a liar!

I JUST wrote a love letter to my body, namely my curves, a few months ago. How TF am I looking at myself in this video in disbelief ? That can’t be me…right? Its no way I just looked in the mirror before I left the house, when I arrived at my destination for the day and took video to post with not one concern and now I am looking at this footage as if I am looking at a different person…

Now don’t get me wrong, I do love the skin I’m in (when it’s acting like it has some damn sense) but you know what I love most? My confidence. Its valuable because it took me a long time to earn it. So many years of feeling awkward and unloved, not only by others but also by me did a number honey. It’s a culmination of so many things that I will get the courage to talk about one day, but I finally was able to love me for me. So for that we can’t afford any setbacks. That means it’s time to get to work.

I know my last few posts were about changing eating habits but this one is about doing the work along with the healthy eating. I promise this is not becoming a fitness and diet platform because I def don’t have the time nor interest, but this is about what I’m “on”, and right now I’m on trying to not wake up with aches and pains every got damn day, not having to wear body shapers and waist trainers for the rest of my life and wearing exactly what I WANT to wear when I want to wear it instead of wearing what is only available in my size that wont have me looking crazy like I did in that video.

and yes those are my lashes on the table…stop being nosey! ;)

Now let me say this - I am still going to post the video (look out for it next Monday **spoiler alert** its a weekend vlog from Labor Day weekend), I am not going to waste footage; it will serve as the “before” for my sure to come “after”. Oh, and the bathing suit try on haul I recorded? I will redo that and do a side by side comparison of my progress.

Sis is determined, sis is about the snatch, sis is about that work…I am sis.

Goal Posting

This post is brought to you by our sponsor, “Always Eat After 7 PM”. The opinions expressed below are my own.

I am two weeks in to the Always Eat After 7p Challenge (see my original post here)and I actually feel great! Removing the guilt associated with time constraints works wonders, but I will get into that a bit later. The ease of which I have fallen into a more healthy program is crazy to me because I have been so nonchalant about it for so long - I am going to eat what I want, when I want and as much of it as I want because I work hard, I earned it, I am stressed - whatever the excuse was I did it. The trouble was I got into a pattern that was tough to shake and before I knew it, BOOM, I couldn’t fit my clothes! Thankfully, Joel Marion’s Always Eat After 7PM program makes dieting easy and eliminates 90% of reasons for resistance. 

Here, Joel Marion shares more about the program:

What inspired you to write the book?

After authoring 6 best selling books it was glaringly obvious there were 2 huge misconceptions about dieting that needed to be exposed. The first is that you can't eat late at night or before bed, which science now shows is NOT true. And second, you can't eat large portions that satisfy your natural instinct. This book solves both these problems by providing an evidence-based, enjoyable approach to dieting that can be used by any person to quickly achieve their weight loss goals.

How difficult is the Always Eat After 7 PM plan to follow?

It's not. And that's exactly why I wrote the book. While any diet is never truly easy, it can be more enjoyable and much easier to adhere to when you understand how Always Eat After 7pm works because it caters to our bodies natural instincts.

Have I really been eating after 7p since starting the program? Yes. Have I lost weight since starting the program? Yep, sure have, as well as inches! I am sleeping better and much longer than I was and I have more energy already. Yes, I have been walking a few times a week but not nearly as strict a program as I have tried in the past. I just find that I am not nearly as hungry as I was before. Joel says, “Late-night eating also curbs calorie intake the next day. In a four-week study, dieters added a snack to their daily regimen 90 minutes after dinner every night, and check this out: late-night eaters ate an average of 397 fewer calories per day.” I wake up around 6:30-7a each morning and I am not hungry at all until maybe 11a, I kid you not.

In my next post I will share my results thus far as well as some of the food I have been enjoying. You still have time to join me in this challenge! Always Eat After 7 PM: The Revolutionary Rule-Breaking Diet That Lets You Enjoy Huge Dinners, Desserts, and Indulgent Snacks—While Burning Fat Overnight by Joel Marion is now available to purchase. Learn more about the book and how to purchase here.

This post is brought to you by our sponsor, “Always Eat After 7 PM”. The opinions expressed below are my own.

Always Eat After 7p Challenge

This post is brought to you by our sponsor, “Always Eat After 7 PM”. The opinions expressed below are my own.

Late night blog post edits…

Never not working *wink*

May has been a pivotal month for me for many reasons – it marks the birth of my daughter, the time frame in which I almost reached my post child bearing goal weight and the time where I lost the ability to walk for a period of four months plus.  Having such highs and lows occur in the same memory realm has proven to be a challenge in recent years, especially with the way social media shares highlight reels of our lives on their anniversary dates.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the skin I’m in.  I find that my curves gave me a boost to my sex appeal and confidence.  Looking back on the images of my past, however, does make me miss being more active and enjoying food void of the sneaky guilt that can creep up.  That’s why when the opportunity to review Always Eat After 7 PM: The Revolutionary Rule-Breaking Diet That Lets You Enjoy Huge Dinners, Desserts, and Indulgent Snacks—While Burning Fat Overnight by Joel Marion was presented, I jumped at it.

Immediately upon reading the title I thought, oh this will be a cake walk (pun intended).  Literally everything we have been told says you are not supposed to eat after 7 o’clock at night, not if you are trying to lose weight.  The exact method I followed back when I lost all that weight years ago was NOT eating after that time of night.  This made me curious.  I want to be healthier, lose a little bit of this weight while I tone up and gain more energy.  Being in quarantine has done a number on my sleeping habits so if I can learn how to achieve those physical goals while I gain more energy and improve my sleep patterns from reading Always Eat After 7p, I am all for it.

I am going to challenge myself to follow the three-phase plan as outlined in Always Eat After 7p and I challenge you to join me!  I have started reading it and so far, the information in Always Eat After 7p makes a lot of sense.  We’ve been traditionally taught to avoid carbs, have an early dinner, and never eat before bed. But the fact is, the latest scientific research shows us this earlier model is not the most ideal.  Author Joel Marion says, “Always Eat After 7 pm is a three-phase program that teaches you how to lose big by strategically eating big when you are naturally hungriest—in the evening. This may sound too good to be true, but let me assure you it is no gimmick. It’s all about making strategic and smart food swaps, and you can still eat your favorite foods.”  So, let’s test this out.

Quarantine restrictions are being lifted across many states, distance learning is ending for the school year and its time to shed some of the eating habits we may have picked up over the past few months.  Always Eat After 7 PM: The Revolutionary Rule-Breaking Diet That Lets You Enjoy Huge Dinners, Desserts, and Indulgent Snacks—While Burning Fat Overnight by Joel Marion is now available to purchase.  Watch the author share why he wrote the book, then you can learn more about the book and how to purchase here.

I will do the often feared before and after pics, share some pics of my meals and of course I will include cute workout gear and the ways I get moving both indoors and out. Keep checking back here for the updates on my progress. Will you join me?

This post is brought to you by our sponsor, “Always Eat After 7 PM”. The opinions expressed above are my own.