Defeating Birthday Depression: Why I Used to Hate My Birthday & How I Reclaimed Joy
For years, my birthday felt more like counting down to disappointment than a time to celebrate. I struggled with feeling depressed and disconnected rather than experiencing the joy that others seem to embrace so easily. Along the way there was a shift - I made the decision to redefine what my birthday meant to me. If you have ever felt dread related to your special day, you are not alone. Here’s how I turned my birthday into a time that I enjoy instead of a day of avoidance.
Anxious, unmotivated, and to be honest, sadness went hand in hand when my birthday approached each year. It seemed like everyone around me had these grand plans with people clamoring to make their day special. I, on the other hand, struggled with birthday depression. I questioned why I was never excited to celebrate myself. Why was I happy celebrating my friends, even sharing my birthday with them, instead of focusing on myself? It was easier for me to downplay the day and hide behind the joy of others. Always making myself smaller. Was I the only person who felt this way?
If you have ever felt unhappy about your birthday, you’re not alone. Birthday blues are common. Many people experience them at various life stages. It could be due to the expectation, past disappointments or simply a disconnect from celebrating. Social media, television and movies and even our past experiences create this unrealistic pressure to have the “perfect” birthday. Being reminded of how fast life can pass us by coupled with societal obsession over youth is not my idea of fun. Being a woman adds to that because men become distinguished and we just get old apparently. If you don’t feel celebrated, as was the case with me, emotional withdrawal and loneliness will diminish the desire for a meaningful celebration.
Can you relate? Let me know in the comments.
Here is how I started enjoying my birthday again. I let go of the expectations. I stopped comparing my day to others. I made a conscious effort to forget past experiences and redefined what made my happy. How did I want to spend my day? What would feel authentic to me?
I created new traditions: as an Aries, our power color is red (which I very rarely wear), so to celebrate my astrological season I pick a red dress and take pictures to commemorate the day. I write a love letter to myself celebrating my accomplishments of the past year and tell myself how proud I am of me. I incorporate some form of self-care: something as small as a mani/pedi or a full spa day. Now that I am in school full time and an entrepreneur, this year it was lots of uninterrupted SLEEP! Whether a solo trip (2 years ago I did Bali and Dubai), a small celebration with loved ones (this year was a paint and sip) or taking a class in something you have always wanted to learn (last year I learned how to make pasta from scratch), creating your own birthday traditions and focusing on self-love instead of external validation could make a world of difference.
What is one thing you have done for yourself on your birthday that made you feel amazing?
How can you find your happiness on your birthday?
Plan a “Me Day”
do whatever feels good for YOU
Write a birthday reflection letter
celebrate what you made it through and set intentions for the year ahead
Take a solo trip/staycation
explore your city, a neighboring town or your bucket list place
Celebrate yourself without pressure. I know that shifting your mindset takes time, so start small. Small steps are better than none at all. Your birthday is your time to be selfish. It is all about YOU - not expectations set by society. Be gentle with yourself, give yourself grace and approach you next birthday with an open heart and excitement.
Feel free to share this post with a friend who may need it. I would love to hear how you celebrate your birthday. Leave a comment below or tag me on Instagram @TheShanaEffect or @ShanaJanelle1 on TikTok to share your birthday joy!